Five Days

It is five days before our departure and I am bundled with emotions. Stuffed into a box neatly wrapped but the ribbon has come undone and sooner or later everything I am feeling will be forced to escape, run rampant and free. The air has a certain electricity about it - anxiousness, similar to Christmas morning.

I spent most of my day reading. I also did laundry and some packing, but that pales in comparison to a good piece of literature. Getting in my "free time" and doing what I love ie: reading, writing and listening to vinyls is important right now as free time may be rare in the upcoming weeks and months. Today I finished reading the Time Travelers Wife - which as I was reading it discovered I didn't want to end.  I think of Henry and Clare both protagonist and antagonist to each other's lives, fictional but real and I feel a sadness and longing for them.

One of the cats meow and I am surrounded by the present. What remains on the horizon throws my stomach forward in pure and unabashed expectation.

There's a reason I brought up this book. The book is about love, not the puppy dog kind or the unrequited but genuine true love. Henry and Clare live their lives in extraordinary conditions. Henry, often absent in the physical form but never from the heart is a time traveler as blessed as he is damned. He lives it all simultaneously - past, present, and future weaving throughout their lives as different versions of himself. It was never easy on them to live like they did, yet they made it work...but that is love.

So what is the point that I am making? I'm sipping on a cold beer which is beading sweat drops onto my writing desk and somewhere in the distance a young dog barks and the train sounds through the woods. It's hot and humid in July five days before I am to venture on a journey to Alaska - a place I have always envisioned myself as falling in love with. I revere in my childhood dreams and Alaska is my final frontier. And while deep down inside I am excited ad nauseum the very exterior of me remains humbled.

I have this opportunity in my hands, so fragile and delicate that I don't want to waste a moment of its time nor take it for granted. I don't want to get my hopes up too high nor do I want to become catatonic at fault of overwhelming emotions. The road ahead is exhilarating but dangerous. Leaving behind our jobs, taking a break from our current lives and the comfortableness that comes with it all is as terrifying as it is inviting. The blandness of routine in the past is met with uncertainty in the present.

I know that this might not be perfect. I know going into this journey that we may want to "kill eachother" as some say or call it quits. But that is life and it is inescapable. However, the very simple act of abandoning all of lifes infinite drawbacks for someone you love is a rare chance which I will glady accept. I know there may be a rough spot or two or the occasional breakdown whether it be mental or automobile related, but we are in this together and it is worth the risk ...but that is love.